The Deadly Ponies Gang

Say what you want, but these weird guys definitely display perseverance and original ideas as far as hitting on women is concerned. (Unfortunately they also display tunnel vision at times, but that’s a different story). Dwayne and Clint pimp their horses with paint, hoof polish, plastic necklaces and sunglasses, and hope to impress the female population that way. But the chat up techniques of these self-acclaimed ‘busiest unemployed ever’ are rusty. Clint already unleashed the rage of one horse chick by spray painting his phone number on her noble steed; and Dwayne even put his contact with the ladies completely on hold a few years ago. The fact that he has no teeth makes him feel less of a man.

While drinking beers, smoking weed and randomly philosophising, the horsemen ride through a rural white trash area. Their exclusive horse gang was founded to provide a better chance of luck with the ladies and hustling (selling weed to horse girls and their middleclass mums), but the main reason was logistic. Dwayne: You need transport to get from A to B. Clint adds: Which is always far away. A no-brainer then.

We get to know these wingmen forever in various snappy, funny and at the same time endearing moments in which they talk about their backgrounds and their way of life. In almost every scene, the colourful birds of paradise come up with some good anecdotes. A small sample from a huge grab bag: About how Clint got to ride horses for free as a little boy by pretending he was handicapped. His mother would tell him: ‘Put on your crippled face, boy!’, and I was draggin’ my foot and shit.’ he says. That’s also where his love for horses started: I got up that horse and I just knew that I was a fish in fuckin’ water, hey. Also amusing: the name of Dwayne’s first pony (embarassed): Pinky Pie. The name of his second horse had more gangsta cred: Boss Nigger. Named after his cat. Or that time that the illustrious duo worked on their karma as shabby Santas by giving stolen toys to poor kids. Clint: ‘Like Robin in the Hood!’

There are entertaining supporting roles for The Rhymestone Cowboy (‘the baddest gangster rapper on a horse’) and prospective Deadly Ponies Gang member Kody. As far as pimping horses goes, that dude completely meets the requirements, but he is only 12 years old, so too young to really hustle, according to the deadly serious gang commission.

Between all the slick oneliners you’ll find the backbone of the story: the run-up to Clint’s Help My Mate Dwayne Get Some New Teeth Fund Raising Gig. Because that’s what you do for your best friends, right?

Maricke Nieuwdorp

Translation: Marjan Westbroek

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